Police. Could you...go dogging?

How strange, a car, in this car park, at this time of night. Who'd have thunk it?

Switch on specialist lighting equipment. Movement...yep that's definitely movement...and there's the "bunny-in-headlights-crap-oh-crap-oh-crap look" from the guy in the drivers seat.

Hmmm...movement's not stopping. At the moment it looks like 'Cousin It' from the Addams family is using this guys crotch as a trampoline.

Try specialist audio equipment. No response, looks like 'Cousin It' hasn't quite finished trampolining. Quick check of the outside temperature...definitely fleece weather.

Zipped up and nice and warm now, exit standard police issue banger and approach driver's side of car with caution. 'Cousin It' still busy trampolining. Extend arm, try not to laugh at panic stricken face of driver. Tap on window.

Trampolining stopped and now second panic stricken face staring out of the driver's window.

Very strange. Panic stricken face changes rapidly into smile. Woman, in her mid twenties, not bad looking either. She sits back in her seat.

Now add my panic stricken face on the other side of the glass. She is starkers and smiling at me while the man driving frantically zips his lad back into his jeans.

Tap on window again, still panic stricken as woman shows no signs of dressing. Panic stricken driver opens window and stares at me agog. Ability to speak lost. I wait, not quite knowing what to say, or where to look. Find that am mostly looking where probably shouldn't. Look into the muff, not around the muff.

Starkers girl leans back across, swinging her ladies bits jauntily in my general direction. She smiles sweetly at me before saying "IF I'D KNOWN YOU LOT COULD DOG ON DUTY I NEVER WOULD HAVE BOTHERED WITH THIS LOSER. SHALL WE DO IT IN YOUR CAR OR OUTSIDE?"

Cue one panic stricken police officer returning to standard police issue banger and driving away with specialist lighting and audio equipment switched on.